Why AA Couldn’t Keep Me Sober
But it wasn’t a TOTAL waste of time (and energy and tears)…
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I’ve been a rule-breaker (or at least a bender) my entire life. I tend to “cherry pick” the best bits of books, programs, classes, and advice. And then move on.
As my mother always used to say…
Take the best and leave the rest!
Life’s too short to follow blindly, am I right? But for some reason, I had a hell of a time doing that when it came to dropping the bottle. I just kept trying the same old way to get sober.
Chances are pretty good that you already know I’m talking about Alcoholics Anonymous. After all, I haven’t exactly kept my thoughts on AA and its lack of effectiveness (for me, at least) a secret.
I can genuinely say I tried my hardest to follow the AA mandate. I dumped out all of my booze and pill bottles. I got a sponsor. I followed the steps. I went to at least a meeting every day. I fellowshipped with other alcoholics.
You know — I did the whole drill. But at the end of the day, I kept giving up and giving in to my old ways. I’d find myself drunk, yet again, and wondering what the hell went wrong this time.
I was already sick and tired when I got to AA. It was supposed to help. So,why the hell did I feel even worse walking out of meetings?
I’d kick my own ass about what I’d done to screw things up. And in the end, that’s why AA couldn’t keep me alcohol-free for longer than 90 days. It kept me looking for a magic formula to fix myself.
AA kept me distracted and disconnected from myself. And for me, that’s where the real issues lived. It was a bad neighborhood in my head, and I was never going to stop drinking if I was too afraid to visit my own mind.
